I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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