We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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