he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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