He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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