I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
