When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
