I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
