At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
