He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
