i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
