Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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