can u get pink eye on your cock?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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