Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Randomize
