I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize