The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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