Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
