In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
