do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
