You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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