Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
