she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize