Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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