i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
