so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
