I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
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The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
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This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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