So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
