I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
