so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
