have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
