Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
i've created a new STD.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
