her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
