Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
