i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
