Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
