my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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