I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
