Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
