dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
