So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he was CRYING into my vagina
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She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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