I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Alive.
So much puke
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
How does it feel to date your dad?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
