Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
