lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
