that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
