im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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