He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
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So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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