All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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