I'm so fucking centered right now
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
