It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
