I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
