I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
