I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
