he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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