Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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