I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
