my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
